Lord of the Dorks, Part 1
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: A LOTR parody. Love it, hate it, it's from the realm of my twisted mind.


Lord of the Dorks  
Fellowship of the Pocket-Protector  
  
One meets destiny often on the road taken to avoid it. —French Proverb  
  
It all begins in a humble village known as Bellbottom. Here there are creatures known as Habits so called because of their strange ways and intriguing quirks. One Habit named Beano Bellbottoms in particular was returning from a perilous journey and trying to finish his book, There But Never Again: A Habit's Tale. He had returned with a prize he had won from a strange creature known as Gagum. It was the One Protector, the Pocket Protector of ultimate power. It had been forged in the hellish fires of Mount Microsoft, and that was the one place where it could be destroyed. Beano did not wish for this to happen. He wanted to keep the Protector for himself. However, Beano's friend Gandork the Grey Wizard had other plans.  
  
Thus it begins with an unlikely hero... It was Beano's birthday and Beano's nephew; Frito had come to Bellbottom to celebrate. Frito learned of the Protector and was given it thanks to Gandork's intervention. All seemed to be quiet and serene until the Pocket- Wraiths, once powerful chiefs of the Middle Garth wanted this artifact for themselves. In order to flee from them, Frito was taken into the town of Brim with Gandork by his side, as well as his friends Sideways, Pipsqueak and Matty.  
  
In Brim, Frito met a cocky human named Strutter. Unknown to him, this human being loved an elf named Archwhen and would be the once and future Chief. Strutter wasn't aware of this future with his love or being crowned Chief. He was still full of himself and entirely egoist. Frito didn't like him much, so he stuck with his Habit friends before they had to move on into the dark forests where the elves existed.  
  
Before Strutter led them into the dark forests, the whole lot of them had been pursued by Pocket Wraiths. Frito had been stabbed by one of the Wraiths and was on the brink of death. Archwhen fortunately, had appeared and told Strutter she would do whatever it took to see that he was healed. She was able to cast a spell that chased the Wraiths away. They wouldn't follow her into the dark forests since the forests were sacred. Frito spent the night being healed by Archwhen's father, and the others spent time there as well.  
  
As the journey continued, Frito met new friends, such as Linklist the elf archer and Gamely the dwarf. There was a fellowship arranged and Frito begrudgingly said he would bear the Protector to the flames and lava of Mount Microsoft. However, he did not know the way alone. Luckily, he would have trustworthy friends to help him in his perilous journey. Little did this Habit know that he would soon become the Lord of the Dorks, and the Savior of Middle Garth.  
  
Meanwhile, Sarurumon had diabolical plans of his up and coming army of Dolts and his menacing, destructive army. Sarurumon wanted to have the Protector for himself and rule Middle Garth. The bellicose Dolts would do anything the evil wizard willed. However, he wasn't suspecting that anyone would have the courage to stand up to him, especially not Gandork.  
  
The Fellowship Forms, and then Breaks Apart...  
  
The friends from different worlds had been through everything together, and now they were going through some God-forsaken cave. As if the place wasn't foreboding enough, there was the threat of an ancient demon living in its caverns. Unfortunately, they discovered this too late as Gandork fought the fearsome creature and the rest of the friends had to go on alone. They thought Gandork had died in the horrific fall. Then, matters only became worse for them.  
  
Strutter, also known as Arrantgone of Pricklythorne, had matters of his own to attend to. He was searching for meaning in his otherwise pathetic life. Gamely and Linklist didn't quite see eye to eye and the Habits had been caught by Saururumon. Yes, it certainly seemed that matters were getting more and more horrible at the moment. And to make things worse, the sinister Gagum (also known as Smeargut, but that shall be discussed later) had been caught as well. As if it wasn't one thing it was another, and listening to Gagum gag was enough to drive anyone insane...  
  
To be continued...  
  
In the second chapter, if you can call it such a thing, the battle at the Two Processors breaks out. The White Processor and the White Mac Tree are all things that are sacred...Until the Dolts have to storm in and ruin everything. With Gandork supposedly dead it seems that there is no hope for anyone. Not only that, but the Eye of Searum is constantly watching and searching for the Protector. This makes one say, aren't you glad you used Dial ? (Especially considering this is going to be dirty work for everyone involved.)  
  
By: Elizabeth Berndt July 16, 2004 


End file.
